my plea...

Sometimes I wonder whether God is playing games on me. If this was His idea of a joke, then it is not funny at all. How could a joke hurt this bad? How could a joke diminish my self – esteem and self – worth as easily as this? There is nothing comical at all to this - only pain, grief and an overflowing cup of wishful thinking. So if this wasn’t a joke, then what? A lesson to be learned? If so, then He made His point. And it wasn’t just a mere point but a very hard one. It hurts big time and it left me with a scar I’m not sure when it would heal and if I’m still capable of healing. What was the point anyway? It’s as if I’m looking through stained glasses and everything is obscured. It’s as if He wanted me to listen to a song in the FM but all I could access is the AM frequency. I’m not even sure if I’ve learned anything major about it after all. Maybe just this simple realization that nothing is permanent in this world, so try not to hold on to it too much. Then what’s the point of making friends or friendship for that matter when later on these friends will just leave you? What’s the point of allowing them in your life and entrust them with your heart and later on they will just break it? Would this mean that after this we will resurface a stronger and a better version of ourselves? Maybe. But I don’t get it why would I expose myself again and befriend others and allow them to torment me later? Haven’t I had enough? Okay, so would this mean that this has to happen in order to pave way for the existence of “I’m sorry and goodbye”? Oh, come on give me a break! That’s the lamest reasoning I’ve ever heard. I’m so messed up right now… Everything’s hazy and I’m not so sure of anything at all. I am but only one soul among the sea of souls You’ve created, will You care enough to hear my plea? “Father, I need you now more than ever. Enlighten me with the goodness all these things would bring me. I’m only human and I’m having a hard time making sense of what’s happening to me and why. I felt as if You have forsaken me. Father, help me…”