Broken Rose

My eyes have a mind of their own.

They never listen.

They never care.

Tears are free flowing.

They never cooperate.

My heart has a mind of its own too.

Stubborn and irrational.

Cannot be reasoned coz it’s blinded.

Emotional now that it is wounded.

Broken coz it won’t listen.

My mind was ripped off of pride.

No longer the boss.

No longer the most supreme high.

Its grace has fallen.

Forgotten.

So from here, where do I run?

Where do I go?

Who shall I turn to?

When the who I used to be,

Is gone?

Comfort has become an illusion.

The Rose became a myth.

Its beauty faded into the realms of time.

I was alone.

#ChroniclesOfRose

Rose

I was lost in this queer place.

I was alone.

I seek for cover and comfort.

But it was never there to find.

No beacon of light to hope.

There was nothing there for me.

I walked on, shoulder slumped.

Devastated. Broken.

But just when I thought all hope is gone,

One flower pulled me back from the pit of death.

Alone and standing proud,

Its crimson beauty held my ground.

Stunned by its glory,

I was alive again.

And so without hesitation I plucked it.

I was at the pedestal.

I was no longer alone.

I have my Rose to accompany in this lonely journey.

Fleeting as the happiness came,

Pain swiftly cut through me like a wind passing.

My heart was broken into a million shards.

My world crumbled as my Rose withered away.

No sunshine can bring my Rose back.

No amount of tears can surmount the loss.

My selfishness, consumed its beauty.

My desperation killed my Rose.

And so alone I took the road again.

Broken. Dead. 

#ChroniclesOfRose

D'Rose

Over time I walked through this barren road

No splendid things not once my eyes behold,

I walked far and didn't turn back

For there's nothing there to hold me back.

And then I came across this lowly meadow

My eyes drowned from its vibrant colors,

I breathe in the sweet scent of hope 

As I sank deeper into the kaleidoscope.

But amidst the scent and the clash of colors

One flower caught my heart and soul.

The way it stood alone and proud

I knew right then I am found.

I gaze through its spell bound beauty

My heart ached to the comfort of its sanctuary.

I want to touch it...

I want to feel it...

Knowing that with it, I'll be whole again.

And so I draw myself nearer

And every step I take I fall deeper.

My rose, my heart exclaimed,

At last I found you - My rose, my Love.

But with your beauty comes your thorns

You cut me deep and my heart was torn.

I wept and bled but I didn't mind

Because deep inside I know you're mine.

I tried to keep you all to myself

Tried to hide you from stray passers by.

But your color starts to fade

Your flower withered as I hold your place.

My heart sank as you withered away

Fear engulfed me as I cry.

Losing you I could never survive

I must make a way

I can't just leave you and die.

And so I distanced myself.

Every step backward is torture.

Watching you from afar I cannot stand it

But for you I will endure anything.

Days passed and your color returns

I was mesmerized yet again with your beauty.

But now I know I couldn't be with you

Even if my heart says with you is where I should be.

My Rose, do know my heart's thine yours

Part of me will always be yours.

From then on...

You'll be the Beauty enclosed forever in my heart

And as for me, I'll be your Beast.

#ChroniclesOfRose 

Goodbye My Rose

We live in a different dimension, of a different world. It's like there's this magical invisible line that separates you from me. But I'm tired chasing rainbows, it doesn't bring me any good. There's not even a pot of gold waiting for me at the end, only pain and disappointments. I guess this is the end of the road for me. The end of the journey. Two different beings from two different worlds are not really meant to be together. They're doomed to be ruined if they insist. So like a butterfly, I'll let you fly away - away from me. May the wind carry you through the place where you could be happy. I could only hope for the best to you. Holding on to the illusion of what we could have could only destroy us. Besides, you have already moved on. It is only I who couldn't. But true to my word, I hope for your happiness. To see you with someone else could mean my downfall, but never fret. I would still smile even if my heart is breaking because to see you happy is more than enough for me. I wish you well my rose.

#ChroniclesOfRose

The Vampire in Me

OMG! I’m torn between lovers… hahaha. I know I’m not a normal human being specially since I’ve been trying to cope up with the supernatural for like – forever?

Excuse my words but this is just my alter ego talking… hahaha.

Let me tell you a secret – I’m a VAMPIRE. No kidding! I am one (at least in my fantasies). And right now, I’m at the point of my life where I don’t know how to put pack the pieces together. For so long, I have been hiding my true identity. It has been so hard so hard specially that my bestfriend happens to be a human and he just knew about it recently. I’m still dealing with his constant tantrums about how I could hide something like this to him. Well, at least his tantrums are not about hating me for being a vampire but rather on the “not telling him” part.

Like I’ve said, it has been so hard. Every day I have to fight off the urge not to drink his blood or at times not killing him. Vampires have that heightened emotions which at times are difficult to contain.

And now that my bestfriend knew all about me – ooppss technically not all yet, my concerns are now limited to these tiny but consuming heart problems. Yes, the word is “consuming”. I just can’t decide who I really want to be with. At what my bestfriend just told me, I have to follow the dictates of my heart. Among the four (4) vampires (yes, that’s 4 not 3) and the one hybrid (half vampire – half werewolf), who among them really captured my heart? To add to my anxiety, I have to decide the soonest that I can. But the problem is, I just can’t – yet.

I love them all. I may be selfish for wanting to keep them all five but that’s how it is to me right now. I don’t want to choose because I know I’m going to lose some of them. They have become part of my life already.

My bestfriend told me why not choose the hybrid. Aside from the fact that he’s the unique one, he can sense that the others. Hhhhmmm, TRUE. But choosing him would mean risking my life too. One stupid accident would cost me my life and I know he would be devastated too. Yes, you heard it right. One bite from my hybrid lover and I’m doomed. Technically, he is still part werewolf and their venom is lethal to vampires. But yes, I LOVE Him. And I think I love him more than the others.

The question now is, if I choose my hybrid will I be able to handle the pain of losing the four vampires that I also grown to love?

Me and My Tantrums

I’m at the fork again. Different paths are laid down upon me and I don’t know which way to go. A part of me wanted so bad to give in to the demands of my heart but the other side is robustly opposing. It has been months since I've been stubbornly denying the tantrums of my heart. And as days flew by, these tantrums are but utterly overwhelming. I have my reasons though of why I’m doing this and not the other way around. I've grown tired of these tantrums. It did me nothing but frustrations and disappointments. I have so many of these already to last me a lifetime and another dose of it is just too much for me.

However, no matter what justification I tell myself that I’m better off like this; it is still not enough. I am pushed further back in to the dark abyss of despair. And I don’t blame anyone else but myself. I dragged myself into this alley of desolation where my only comfort was silence and nothingness. And I don’t like it here, this isn't a happy place.

So I asked myself, what now? After all the ups and downs, the struggles of not giving in; what’s next of me? Is this the end of my strong front? Is giving up the next option? Is there still hope for me?

 So many questions… so many words… but what really is the answer?

The Pink Diary 10-23-12

The sudden rush of words is overwhelming;

 I didn't know where to start.

 It consumes me.

 It drowns me.

The over flow was intoxicating;

My vision starts to wane.

Things become obscured & mirror-like;

Leading me on. Deceiving.

Frustration starts to crawl in;

Holding me back.

Nausea’s gaining momentum;

I could no longer fight back.

I plead.

I beg.

I cried.

But no one answered.